Pattern Of Error

In my last graded papers I have noticed that my thesis statement has not been strong enough. Because the thesis is a very important part of my paper, not having a strong thesis can effect my paper. The reader of my paper can be quite confused if my thesis is not clear. What I can do to avoid this problem in my future papers is to make sure that my paper is less confusing and less vague. I also need to make sure that my thesis statement connects with the rest of my essay. Asking a friend or a teacher to approve it is also good , they can guide you in the right direction if you are confused.

Another pattern of error that I notice in my paper is a lot of run on sentences. This effects my essay a lot because my grade depends a lot on my grammar. Sometimes I do it without noticing and sometimes when I review it myself I don't find these errors because I read it without looking carefully for these errors. A way that I can fix these errors is by reading the paper and looking specifically for these errors, another way is by having someone read my paper before turning in my final copy.

One of my biggest problem in my paper is not being very descriptive. I tend to be very vague and not expand to what I have to say. This effects my paper immensely because my peer reviewer might not know what I'm talking about. In a lot of my comments I find that people ask me to talk a little bit more about the subject. If this is resolved it would improve my essay a lot. It will meet length requirements and also it will help bust up my grade because the reader will have a more clear idea about what my paper is about.

Importance of peer reviewing.

Peer reviewing is very important when it comes to improving your essay. I think it's extremely helpful when the person who reviews your paper reads it with care and actually gives you good feedback. Sometimes you are put with a group that does not feel the comfort as they would if they were in a team with their friends and that can decrease the chances of you getting good feedback. Another way that peer reviewing can be effective is to have more than one person read it, and have them read it out loud. When you read something out loud you tend to catch your mistakes better. It's great to have feedback from more than one person because sometimes things can make sense to you but not to whoever is reading your paper. Therefore, I think that we should keep doing this before essays because I notice a big improvement.

KONY2012??????

This Monday as I logged into my Facebook my newsfeed was saturated with videos, wall post, pictures that said, kony 2012. I was very confused about what people were talking about. That whole day I ignored it, but people kept posting it up and making a big deal out of it. So I decided to watch the video, the video was about 28 minutes long. This video was about a man that goes by the name of Joseph kony, he is a dictator in Africa. This man is being accused of kidnapping children and making them soldiers, and making the girls sex slaves. They are forced to kill even their own parents. This video starts off very interesting. They begin by making people realize how their life is good compared to life in other countries. Which I agree on, we are very unaware of what other countries are going through and we complain about simple things like not having the newest shoes on the market.  This video is trying to persuade people to be aware of what's happening and "make kony famous". The video explains clearly what they want us to do. Which is to buy their "kit" and donate. On April 20th they want everyone to put posters and fliers of Konys picture all over the city to make him "famous". But is this a good idea? In my opinion, it's not. Facebook itself is the biggest social network now and I think that by now everyone is extremely aware of who this man is. Going out that night to make him "famous" will cause a lot of problems. We can conclude that teens Under the age of 18 will want to take a part of this and these kids will be breaking the law by being out passed the legal curfew.  Along comes the issues of trespassing or vandalizing . This issue is very important and it should get addressed, but where is the money we are donating going to? Making these videos and paying their workers? I think that people should not trust just any guy that comes and makes a well-edited video.I think people should inform themselves better and look for other alternatives rather than donating to "invisible children". 

Safety

 The article I chose was "Free Speech off Campus Must Be Protected. The reason why I chose this article was because I found it interesting to read. The reason why this argument was interesting was because as a current college student, I don't feel as safe as I did when i was in high school. There a hundredths of people coming in and out of the University with no type of security. This is why this argument is very significant, I think that security in universities are extremely important, and any of type of issues should addressed as soon as possible. 

This article argues that the University of Minnesota believes they should regulate what students say on social-networking pages about the regarding the college whether its out side or inside the institution .The case that began in 2000 in the University of Minnesota that involved a student and her fellow mortuary science classmate. On their Facebook page they had posted a joke about how they both had nicknamed their laboratory cadaver "Bernie", and about stabbing someone with a dissecting knife.

The post was forward to the University of Minnesota authorities by another classmate. A criminal investigation began and concluded that the formal students had no harm to anyone, but the university imposed disciplinary charges to the students anyway.